Dear Wulf: We don't know what will happen to you. I can pretend to know what will happen and say "Yes the record will kick your ass hard." But that would be arrogant and presumptuous. So I will not say it.

Dear Buddy: There is no room in this band for another devil. If you don't believe me, consider that any rock band in league with Lucifer enjoys immense riches and the allegiance of tens of thousands. Consider that circus devils doesn't have a single human groupie. The truth is, Satan hates us because our music is better than anything he can do.

Dear Billy: This is an inspiring story. It illustrates a truth that is not often admitted by music critics, who must work with deadlines, and lack the time to explore a record and allow it to grow on them. The records that stay with us are often those that were difficult to take at first, or that seemed to alienate us by not giving us what we expected. We hope that others will take your example, because the kind of patience and sense of adventure you exhibit are not common in an age when music that one has been trained to enjoy is obtainable on demand.

Dear Robert: Everything sounds better away from Los Angeles. If you want to enjoy music then just get out of there. I also heard that things look better away from LA too. Does having movie stars around make everyone else look ugly? I say move to Ohio. Here, the music sounds great all the time, and a normal, unattractive guy like you won't feel so bad because nobody living here is in show business.

Dear Jack: Here is a better question: Do you love Americans? We love most Americans. But we must answer no to this question when it applies to two distinct groups of Americans in our midst. The first group is the fundamentalist christian / pro-violence / anti-love set who are proud in their ignorance, and love having an enemy to hate. Such Americans seek the herd for safety. Remember, their vote at the polls is equal to yours, so be cautious before you dismiss them as country kooks. Such Americans can be seen at their feed troughs at the buffet in the local shopping plaza on a saturday, or at the tractor pull, or worshiping on Sunday morning at one of those mega-churches where they display the flag and preach of a Jesus who promises to make all our American dreams come true. It may surprise you to learn that the Americans we hate the most have been to college. Yes, the second group of Americans we speak of are members of a secret club called the SONS OF DRACO. These so-called "educated" men are the privileged sons of certain wealthy families who deem it part of their offspring's pedigree to be a member of this club. They meet in underground grottoes scattered across the country. One of these underground clubhouses is right here in Ohio! Members include almost every famous American who is NOT in show business, except one. Van you guess his name? Know them by their beady eyes and thin lips. Because we love America, we must do everything in our power to protect it from both of these groups mentioned above. Both the working class, flag-waving, fundamentalist christian, and the lipless, WASP, ivy league elite must be resisted if our great nation is to survive and retain its soul.

Dear Mr. Phipps: We are stunned by your remarks.

Dearest Kirill: Jesus knows what is cool. Trust Jesus.

Dear Valerie: High marks for you. Circus devils is singular. Hence, it rules. The world as we know it is ending all the time. If you want to worry, then worry about all that has already been lost. For all we know, the collected fruits of mankind's imagination are like shining jewels in the crown of our galaxy. Then again, it may be the case that all of humanity's achievements amount to a hill of rotten beans. Whatever the case, as humans we should bear witness to all that has come before as the bounty of mankind's collected imagination, and strive to decorate our souls with it. Rejoice young lady in your youth. Don't waste energy fretting about the approaching end. Observe the following excerpt from the essay entitled "the Library is On Fire" by Steve Five: Art is ephemeral. Life is ephemeral. Man's feeble attempt to make his mark on history throughout the ages reflects these facts. A prime and literal example of this is the destruction of the library at Alexandria, Egypt in ancient times. Man had spent the ages of his intellectual dawning fighting against the ephemeral nature of art and history, creating cuneiform and whole documented systems of communication - only for these recordings to be lost forever for future generations. Laughable or sad? You decide.

Dear W.B.: The best circus devils make out song is Rose in Paradise. It's a very emotional song and will make you and your lover weep very hard. Your intense wish to console each other's anguish will get out of hand to the point where you have no choice but to smother each other with sofa cushions. I'm just saying. If you are serious about romance, then this is the song for you.

Dear Geronimo: Carry on with your important government work interrogating those captured space men. But remember, just because an alien from outer space or from another dimension has no rights under the law doesn't give you and your friends the right to make sexual sport of them. Even if you deem it payback for the anal probe the aliens forced you to endure, remember, that was done in the spirit of science. What you are doing is depraved and reflects poorly on our species and our planet.

Dear Heinrich: We believe there is an inner mutant in everyone. Circus devils music will coax out the inner mutant, but this process is often met with fierce resistance, especially by smug individuals who seek the middle of the road in their daily lives. So don't be surprised or discouraged by the reaction of your friends. Remember Beauty and the Beast? (the story, not the TV show) Circus devils is like the beast. Upon your first encounter, your impulse is to run away, or fight it back. But with time, the terrible beast is discovered to possess a human soul! The trouble is, we can only ask nicely for this crucial period of time needed for people to warm to our music. Things would be different if we could capture people and make them listen to our music here in the enchanted castle. That task is left to you, Heinrich. Now press on with your crusade, and I guarantee that some of your friends will come around. One trick you can do is give smokes to your friends before playing our records. If they still think it's the worst music in the world while they are high, then they are probably right, and we're just addled creeps.